"Destroy if Dead" boxes for important personal documents: good or bad idea?

At EasyGenie, we think a lot about long-term preservation of genealogy and family history (see “Legacy list: What would you pass down to your heirs?”) These discussions occasionally touch upon things that are not worth saving. For instance, Michele Doyle’s ABC’S system for categorizing old photos included a “C” category for blurred, duplicate, or random landscapes that should just be thrown away.

But what about personal documents or photos that are important to you, but should not be preserved after you’re gone?

This is not a new concern. Historical figures have long grappled with how to handle their papers after their deaths. For example in 1802, shortly before she died, Martha Washington destroyed all of George Washington's letters to her, except for this one, found in a desk inherited by her granddaughter.

Destroy if Dead box: Pros and cons

On an online forum, I saw a writer talking about creating a “destroy if dead” box for personal documents or photos. She gave the example of letters from an old flame, which are still special to her. She also noted:

“My Mom told me that I can read her diary after she's dead but other stuff must be tossed. She doesn't want me going through them.”

Respondents noted that putting something in a “destroy if dead” box practically guarantees that whoever finds the documents will read them. For this reason, they advised destroying them at once (“Seriously, trash the old love letters and don't look back.”) Others talked about cleaning out a house after a relative’s death and finding items that were potentially embarrassing or troubling - making an already difficult task even harder. 

But there were dissenters. “I am amazed that people do not enjoy reading the thoughts of their younger selves,” wrote one person. “When you are young, opportunities present themselves that you may never see again.” Some noted that they had found letters between their parents after they had passed, and it was a wonderful treat to read them, treasuring the time when they were young and in love.

Practically speaking, there are workarounds. If cost is not an object, hire a lawyer to handle such documents and photos once you die. A few suggested digitally archiving them, using a password that only the creator knows. In theory, these archives would be inaccessible after the account holder dies (although maybe not, if the account is hacked or the password is discovered).

Pranksters had ideas of their own. Somebody suggested forging historical letters that portray the author to be an international spy involved in various global intrigues. “Place them in the ‘destroy if dead’ box and have a chuckle,” this person advised.